Recent reports have confirmed that the sectarian violence in Iraq is causing millions of Iraqi citizens to vote with their feet, as the middle class is leaving the Country in droves.

Flashing their purple toenails to dramatize their exodus from this modern-day Dante’s Inferno, fleeing Iraqis expressed optimism about their new lives in such utopias as Jordan and Syria. Coupled with the recent addition of U.S. troops, American citizens now constitute an absolute majority in Iraq. 

President Bush hailed this as a major victory in the war on terror, and a vindication of his strategic vision, which is to rid Iraq of its secular elite — so that the only Iraqis remaining are religious fanatics who share the same values of irrationality and intolerance as the GOP base.

Under this scenario, with the Iraqi Nation free of heathens and other non-believers, it is expected that Ayatallohs Moktada and Falwell will be able to find common cause and form a coalition government.

The only remaining point of contention between the two camps, however, is whether burkas will have to be worn by female fetuses as well as by their mothers — a position adopted by the more extreme Falwell faction.

Finally, although “closed” totalitarian states such as Syria are welcoming their refugee brothers and sisters with open arms, President Bush has promised to build a wall on the Iraqi border – to keep out the Mexicans.

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